WATCH ON YOUTUBE
Hello, and welcome to the I Am Bad Ass series. This is Lani. Today, we’re going to talk about stop the negative self-talk. Before we get going, smash that like button, hit the subscribe button, and hit the bell icon because I think I’m going to up the videos I’m releasing, just so I can really freaking help. It’s like learning Spanish. If you just practice once a week or once every other week, you don’t get much progress. So any who, hit that button so you’re notified. And if you’re new to my channel, I’m Lani and I’ve helped women all over the world. So last year alone, we had over 600 women and we taught them how to overcome this negative self-talk. So the basis of every problem is really that fear that we’re not good enough inside. And maybe yours manifests in binge-eating, or feeling not good enough in your relationships, feeling insecure, auto-immune diseases, infertility, you name it, right? Those are all just symptoms of a bigger issue and a bigger problem and I’m here to help you work through that today.
So I get it, that negative self-talk is probably one of literally… I don’t like seeing notifications when I record. It’s just for a call. Literally, our kryptonite is negative self-talk because that literally starts creating our vibe, our mood, what we focus on. Then if we start thinking these really negative thoughts about ourselves, then we are in that mode. So we start attracting more negativity from other people and it’s just this really crazy snowball effect. So I’ll be real honest that every time that I up level or do something new, the first thing that comes in is this negative self-talk that says, “Oh really, you can’t.”
Or if I don’t do what I’m going to talk about today with you, if I don’t just take care of these simple steps, then when I do up level and I do something brave and then somebody talks shit on me, then I take it really personal and it starts messing with my head. And if I’m then like, “Oh my God,” repeating that negative comment over and over then I’m like, “Maybe I am, maybe they’re right.” And I start questioning myself, which is total bullshit because I know that I’m always going to try my hardest and I know that I’m always going to keep my word and that’s enough. I don’t have to be perfect. I can’t be perfect and pleasing everybody was never on my agenda. On my tombstone, it’s not going to be, “She was pleasing everybody. Yay.” That’s, I don’t fucking care. That’s not what’s really important to me.
I want to be a good person. I want to be remembered for “Wow. She had a heart of gold and she had such amazing energy and she was so positive and she was really a kind person and so happy and genuine.” That’s what I want to be remembered for.
So the first thing that we have to do to stop that negative self-talk is we just want to be super aware that it’s not ours and it’s not personal. And one of the reasons I love getting a whole bunch of women together and being like, “Dude, let’s just get all the negative, shitty stories that we have about ourselves out of the way.” Because what happens is when you’re surrounded by women of different ages, different colors, different languages, different cultures, different countries, all totally on opposite sides of the world and then they both say the same negative self-belief, they both say the same negative comment about themselves out loud that they really have believed and they’ve taken ownership of. It’s my eye color, it’s my height, it’s who I am, I was born this.
And then when you hear someone say the exact same thing, you’re like, “What?” And it just makes it not so special because we value things that we feel are, “Oh my God, this is mine.” We’re such a selfish, freaking race. The ego is just so primed and it can only feed off me, me, mine, mine, mine. So it’s always, you did this to me. This is missing for me. Why didn’t you do this for me? You should have done this for me, and so it’s always going to be about me, me, me, it’s always really self-centered.
That’s a great way to tell if you’ve gone into the ego because it’s my life, me. You’re not ever asking about, “Oh, how can I help people that are in crisis right now because of COVID? How can I support my kids? So they don’t have anxiety or they don’t…” Because we know that that kid’s totally take on those stress, the anxiety. When I speak to a woman who’s struggling, and then we talk about her kids, I’m like, “And what do they have?” And they start naming these manifestations, these side effects. It’s not because you’re a horrible parent or because you’re meant to be perfect. In Bali, they bury the rubbish on the beach and it’s not going to go away, Hmm. That didn’t solve the problem. And that’s what we do. We’re like, “I’m going to bury my trash, this far underground and just, forget about it.”
And it’s, well, it’s going to fucking come back out in your face when the tide comes up or when the dog digs a little bit, you can’t really get away from that. So the best thing for us to do is the first step is acknowledge that, this is not a personal problem for you. This isn’t who you are. This isn’t, “Oh my God, this is my life. This is my eye color. This is my identity.” As soon as we start identifying with shit, it’s a very… If I was like, just change your eye color by manifesting and journaling, you’d be like, “What the?” And that’s what we do. We take on this negative self-talk. You want me to just change it with manifesting? It’s impossible.
So as soon as we feel we don’t have a choice and it’s impossible and it’s who I am, my hype. What do you mean just journal about it? I mean, that’s obviously not exactly the way that I teach because we have to take aligned action. But when we’re identifying with something, it becomes so real that if you took a lie detector test, say that your negative self-talk is, “You’re not good enough, you idiot.” Something like that. If you took a lie detector test and someone asks you, “Is this true?” And you said, “Yes,” then you would pass. So that means that we’ve identified. It’s always, if you would pass this on a lie detector test, then now this is become a belief. Now this is, your subconscious is literally leading. It’s sniffing out for all these things that match. I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough. I’m an idiot. I am not worthy. It’s just got a one track mind and it’s going to sniff out everything that matches that to prove its point.
So we’re going to stop identifying with it. I know that doesn’t just take the pain away, but at least if you can open up and zoom out enough to be like, “oh my God, this is a human problem. Lani felt that way too. And she’s met so many hundreds and hundreds just last year of women who felt that same way. Wow. Okay.”
Well, if it’s not my arm, I like to think of it as it’s a jacket and you can just freaking take off the shitty, I’m-not-worthy jacket and put a bad-ass, I saw just to watch Fast and the Furious 29 the other day, and Vin Diesel’s chick had this… God, why can’t her name’s on the tip of my tongue. What’s her name in the comments. She had this white leather jacket on and I’m like, That’s sick!” You know she’d be riding the motorbike like we’d be riding in Bali. I was like, “Babe!” And he’s like, “Yeah, that sick.” So I’m a get me one of them white leather jackets.
But that’s so much more fun and more amazing for me to wear that. I’m confident I don’t need to be perfect. Okay. I feel a little bit shitty, but I’m going to change my thoughts than, I’m not good enough., I’m not good enough. It’s just me, nothing I ever do. You just, you can’t win. You’ll never win. So when you’re trying all these a million things on the outside, but you’re totally identifying with that thought. I don’t care how positive you are. I don’t care how much you try and meditate, which I know that you’re not really feeling peace when you’re meditating. So feeling anxiety isn’t meditating, but whatever manifesting or healing or therapies you’re trying to do, they’ll never work. Ever. Not in a million years.
It’s, if you’re stabbing your leg with a fucking knife and you’re like, why isn’t it healing? It’s not going to heal. You’re literally stabbing it right now. It’s impossible. So we can be like, “Holy shit, yeah, of course it’s impossible for me to feel confident while I’m like this is me, this is who I am.” So it’s, instead, I’m just like that’s a record that I’m not interested in, or that’s it’s nasty jacket. I want Letty’s, is that her name from Fast and Furious? I want a freaking white leather jacket. dude, it’s not who you are, we don’t need to identify with that.
So then your self-talk will make you or break you. And that doesn’t mean that you have to have a perfect self-talk to feel really amazing and feel fulfilled. That’s not what this is after. But it’s like, dude, whatever’s running in your subconscious is completely, completely depicting how you feel about your life, what you attract in your life, the type of energy that you’re putting out with other people, and at the end of the day, how fulfilled you are.
I am by no means perfect because I’m a human being and happy to be one. Fucking human over here. Dah, dah, dah, dah, dah, dah. I’m a human fucking being what a concept. And I have the awareness that when I’m like, oh, as soon as I start, if the negative, self-talk starts running on the subconscious patterning, the record’s playing and I wasn’t even aware of it or I just sleep walked to my closet and put that nasty ass, shitty jacket on that’s like, “You loser, you idiot.” Then I’ll start feeling this in my body. Just really heavy, lack of motivation, lack of energy. And it’s just like, somebody gave you a shitty pill that made you kind of low and, oh, feeling a bit sorry for yourself, and a lot, and just feels something’s missing.
I’m like, “Whoa, okay, sis, we need to stop this damn negative self-talk because now that’s what my body is feeding off and that’s my body’s feeling.”
So last point before we go. What I remind myself as well, and it’s so beautifully explained in quantum physics, that our body starts to feed off of the emotions that our mind thinks. And so before, when our body was supposed to be the slave… You know when you’re learning how to, I’ll just say handstand, because that’s something that I learned. When I was first learning how to do a handstand, I was focusing on it. And I was, oh my God. I was, so aware of it. And I was just having to think about it and squeeze and push and breathe.
And then I did it, I practiced it so many times. I taught yoga for a long time, I was a gymnast, many Instagram photos in handstands. I did so many of them that I didn’t have to think about it anymore and my body knew how to do it better than my mind. I could literally do one in yoga without even thinking about it, without even warming up, without even stretching, I could demonstrate one in class. So my body became the master because my body knew how to do it better than my mind.
So that works the same with these negative emotions. So my body was really obsessed with guilt. I had resentment and anger. So I’d probably say guilt and anger were my two most common ones. That okay when I was growing up, I was like, “Oh my God, these are new emotions.” And, my body was just they were new to my body. But then because I practiced it for so many years, for 36 years, my body just took over. My body, knew how to do guilt better than my mind and would seek out situations to feel the guilt. My body knew anger better than my mind and would, “Oh, you said this about me, you motherfucker!” Or like, “Oh, I can’t believe.” So my body knew it better than my mind. I’ve been practicing in this new way for I’d say three years where I’ve been totally consistent where I’m like, “Okay, I hold myself accountable for really my meditations for really being super observant of my mindset for really focusing for really, really practicing.”
I haven’t just gone on a drug binge or an alcoholic binge, or just turn into a victim and messaged everybody in my phone that they’re they’re the reason for my unhappiness. I’ve really had this responsibility. Okay, at the end of the day, no matter what freaking happens, I am responsible for how I feel and my emotions. So I’m going to do whatever I need to do to get my shit together because they’re my feelings so I can shift them.
So three years, but that’s a lot longer than then… So I guess, yeah, 37 years then I’d be 36, 37 years I spent in that guilt and that anger. And so I have to be very, very observant for when I’m going into the unknown. Anytime I do something new, I go into the unknown and it’s like, my body wants to be like, “Bitch, remember what we do. We feel guilty for not being perfect. And we feel angry for other people ruining our day. And you’re the reason why I feel like this.”
So I have to be super observant and super present because I’m like, “That’s not true.” But my body, oh girl, it has a thirst. It has a fucking thirst for this guilt and for this anger. So when I’m going through these up levels and when I’m into the unknown, which is all the time, I’m always putting myself into the unknown because I don’t want to talk about the same stuff all the time. I don’t want to do the same stuff. I want to wake up curious, and excited, adventures. What I want to do. Adventure means I’m excited, I’m present, I’m laughing I’m having fun. So every time I’m getting into this unknown, my body wants to fucking drag me back to those places of guilt and anger.
And I’m like, “That’s not how we do it.” So I just had this conversation with my body yesterday. I was like, you’re not in charge, bro. Cause we’re obviously having big up levels all the time. I’m like, “You’re not in charge. You listen to me, okay? We’re present. We are in our body. We’re freaking grateful. And you sit like a dog.” We just got puppy. So I’m like, “You sit. You sit and you listen.” And I do my breathing because God, breathing is one of the best ways to tap into our automic nervous system. And I can just literally get so present with my breath. It just elevates my energy and it opens my heart. So I’m like, “You sit like a freaking dog.”
You listen to me because I get it. I don’t judge it. I know why. I was sexually abused. I grew up in government housing. I had a marriage that was really gnarly. I know why my body knows those feelings of guilt and anger very well. I know that survival, it was in survival. I was in survival mode for so long. And the craziest thing is it doesn’t matter how much money you have or how much you have on paper, you can be in survival mode and still have everything on the outside and have everything on paper. Oh my God, that’s so gnarly. And it just gives me this heavy pain in my chest. Let me know in the comments. When you are in survival mode and when you’re, oh my God, when you’re super stressed out and your body has taken over and it’s pulling you to those emotions that you lived in for so many years, tell me where you feel it.
Like the neck is really common. Stomach aches, those are common. I can resonate with those. Headaches. So it’s, if you can have that awareness like, “dude, my body is taking over.” The body will say shit like, “Oh you’re too old or but you can’t let them get away with that.” My body, our body wants to feel comfortable so bad that it will play dirty and say really crazy… like, “It’s her fault that you feel that way, or it’s your mom, or whatever.” And then it’ll start doing these pains, but I’m like, we don’t do that anymore. That’s not what we do because we can be happy. We are alive. We are breathing. And we’re going to take responsibility for our consciousness and we’re going to stop the damn negative self-talk because you’re not the master, bro.
Just because you took over for 37 years, doesn’t mean that you get to take over now. And I just practice. I just practice them because I’m three years in, it’s a lot easier and my body listens a lot faster, but it doesn’t mean that I’m perfect. I never… It’s every time I’m uncomfortable, I go through this again. So if you’re looking for this salvation, that’s like, “I’m going to be brave once, I’m going to stop the negative self-talk once,” you’re setting yourself up for failure. It’s, do you just breathe once? I don’t think so, right? We’re breathing all the time.
So there you go. How to stop the negative self-talk. This is literally the epitome of happiness and fulfillment. When I meet a woman who unhappy and unfulfilled, she has the most negative self-talk ever, and she’s blaming other people and things for her negative self-talk for her feelings, for what her body… Her body being the master and her mind being the slave like, “Let’s feel that guilt or the anger, the resentment or whatever.”
So thanks for listening. I love a good chat. If you are ready to stop your negative self-talk and fully unleashed, because what kind of a woman could you be if you stopped your negative self-talk? Damn Gina. It’s a game changer.
Book in for a call with my team ASAP. It’s going to be seriously some of the most valuable 45 minutes of your life. I’ll put the link in the description, get all up in there because it always blows our mind when we have a woman, who’s like, “I have these problems and I’m going to wait for my husband to change.” And it’s like, “oh, the old wait for your husband to solve them, eh? All right, let us know how that one works.” And then the woman who’s like, “I’m going to take the life by the horns. And I’m going to take responsibility for my happiness, because this negative self-talk is freaking having a negative effect on everyone and everything.”
Man, what a fucking waste of a beautiful day. I wouldn’t even be able to enjoy the beautiful rice fields, my puppies, my man, if I was like, ‘Oh, everybody’s against me.” Barf on your face. It’s a total victim energy. So don’t forget to hit the button, hit the subscribe button, hit the bell icon, because I’m upping my game, sister friend. I’m going to bring you some value. Have a beautiful day, an amazing week and see you soon.