Video Transcription

Lani:
Is your partner the cause of your problems. We’re going to dive into this, sis. Before we get started, hit the subscribe button, hit the bell icon so you’re notified every Tuesday and Thursday, when I release these epic, life-changing videos, and I would be so grateful if you hit the like button, it helps so much, and our vision is to empower a million women so they are not running around saying, “You’re responsible for my problems. You ruined my life.” So they’re saying, “I am a fucking badass. Watch me, hear me roar.” Now I already have goosebumps, girl. The reason I wanted to ask you that question … again, let’s just get it out there. Write it down. Is your partner the cause of your problems? Because this is one of the most common reasons why women reach out to me and why they actually come to my free workshop and why they come into my program.

Lani:
And I get it because I’ve been there. So there’s not ever a … when we come in, we’re in this defense mode and it’s like, “Everything’s wrong. Everything’s not working,” and it’s just this really defensive mode, and so we get in this really powerless place of, “Well, if I didn’t have you, if I didn’t have my partner, then I would be fine. I would snap my fingers and my life would be fine and everything would be great,” and I’m here to tell you that that is bullshit. That’s not true. Now I’m never going to say, “Stay with your partner,” or, “Leave your partner.” You’re a grown woman. That’s like saying, “Lani, I need you to tell me what …” because my birthday’s coming up. “I need you to tell me what flavor birthday cake that I love to order.” I’m like, “I can’t freaking tell you that. Dude, you’re a grown woman. You’re not five.”

Lani:
And we always want to go backwards in this process because it’s so much easier to point the finger at our partner and say, “You’re the reason for my fucking problems. You did this and you did that.” That’s so much easier than going “Whoa,” because check it out, sis. We attract on a vibrational match. So all the negative shit you’re saying about your partner, all the problems that they’re creating, you guys, goosebumps again, have completely attracted on a vibrational match. So one person can not completely change the situation. It’s not one person’s thing. The only reason why we hang out with people, why we attract clients, why we work with partners is because we are a perfect vibrational match. So that’s the first bit of really life changing information that I want you to soak in and sit in.

Lani:
So if I’m saying all this horrible negative shit about my partner, well I’m actually saying it about myself as well, because the only reason we attracted was because we are on a perfect vibrational match. You will never ever find a woman who is empowered and confident and loves herself and is amazing walk in a room and say, “Oh my God, my partner beat me last night,” or, “He banged 30 chicks. I found it in his phone,” or she. “She’s super abusive.” You’ll never find that. It is impossible. You’re not the only one exempt from the law of attraction, and I know this because I wasn’t a lot of abusive relationships and I was pointing the finger, “You ruined my life. You abused me. You did this,” and so obviously love is love. There’s no confusion. If you’re confused like, “I don’t know if it’s love. I don’t know,” sis, that’s your problem.

Lani:
This is my second point, my second nugget. Get really clear on what love is. It’s not confusing. I got very clear on it. I was in abusive relationships. I blamed my ex for ruining my life to the point where I was so consumed by the hatred and wanting to get even and blaming him for everything that I was so consumed by this pain and evil and this unconscious, powerless feeling that I actually wanted to take my own life. That’s what that does. So once I realized, well the men aren’t going to change. The women aren’t going to change. I can’t sit here and say … and this is what I was doing. “I would have been fine if I didn’t marry him. I would have had everything I want.” Bullshit.

Lani:
If I didn’t marry him, I would’ve married somebody else with the same problem because I had low standards. I was not clear on what love was. I did not love myself and I believed that I deserved abuse. I fully thought, “This is what you deserve you piece of shit.” So I was matching. I was matching. So the first part of … you don’t get to say that. When a woman comes in and it’s the first day of the program and she’s like, “Should I be with this?” I’m like, “Dude, you need to focus on you. You can’t come in here and ask me to change your partner or fix your partner. Not going to happen. Never. Powerless. You do you. You focus on you,” because it is very clear once you start reprogramming and realizing what love is that you’re only available for love. I will never be in an abusive relationship.

Lani:
I’m never going to blame Chris, “You’re ruining my life. You’re the cause of all my problems. You’re the reason I don’t have everything I want.” That’s not going to happen because I’m empowered and I understand that all of my power, my energy, my words, what I have, my success, my drive, my energy, my love, my kindness, my compassion, I know that that is rooted in me and my soul and this is between me and God. The second question I get really common, “Well, how do you know if your partner’s changing?” I’m like, “What do you mean, how do you know?” You got up off your ass, sought out help invested in yourself, you invested time. Time is the most precious resource, because we can’t get it back. Money you can get back, and you care. This is important. It’s the top of your list. It’s important, so you do it.

Lani:
How are you confused if they’re growing with you? And this is where most women just can’t handle it. They’re like, “I can’t. Okay, so my partner is the cause of my problems. Well, I don’t want to deal with my own problems so I’m going to keep pointing the finger outside and I’m blaming my partner for my problems,” and the work really comes when we … where’s the thumb pointing? You want to have a chat? Go in the mirror, because every problem we feel, we are a vibrational match for it. I don’t even really like the word problems anymore. I’m just like, “Dude, I don’t have any problems.” In this moment, I’m good. I’m safe. Do I have big goals to change the world and want to help a million women? Yeah, of course. So I’ll keep growing, but problems?

Lani:
I can change my energy. I can change my thought process. I don’t need anybody to come and tell me that I’m good enough and give me permission to eh. I don’t need that. I’m good. This is between me and God, me and mother earth. This is where it starts. So know your partner is not the cause of your problems. That’s a copout, that’s what weak women do, and that’s why you don’t have everything you want because that’s your belief system right now. Change the program, change the record, ask new questions. How can I be more loving? How can I be the partner that I want? How can I live from my heart center? How can I not be so negative and complaining and blaming? And how can I actually build the world up, build the earth up, build myself, my kids and build my partner up?

Lani:
Because it is a cop out and it is bullshit and it just accepted by society to blame other people, specifically our partners. It’s the easiest person to blame because they’re the closest one to us and all the other women who are unhappy in their unhappy relationships will go, “Oh yeah, yeah.” That’s why you hang out with people that are unhappy in their relationships and settling, because they’ll tell you it’s okay. You find a woman like me with high ass standards who loves herself and is a queen, I’m going to say, “That’s settling. I would never, ever settle for less than I could be, do, give, or create, or share, ever. I will never settle for less because I have the power. The love is in my heart and in my soul.” So stop asking them broken questions, sis. The problem is your belief system. The problem is you don’t have self worth, self love, and your standards are dog shit.

Lani:
That’s your problem, and if we leave our partner because we say it’s their fault, that they’re ruining my life, nothing has changed and so the next relationship will have the same shitty problems, the same pain, but it will be worse because if we are not growing, we’re dying. So if you don’t have positive momentum and if you’re not moving up and rising into the light, you’re moving down and the pain gets worse. So you leave your partner because they’re ruining your life … and I’m not talking about abuse. I’ve been in abusive relationships. I’m not saying women in an abusive marriage. That’s a whole separate entity. I’m talking about women who have everything. Their needs are met, but they’re blaming their partner for ruining their life. This is what I’m talking about.

Lani:
Abuse is a different story. I’ve been there. I’ve done videos that before, but if the relationship is not abusive in any way, shape, or form, yet you’re blaming … and by abusive, I mean … come on, let’s be real. This is the other part that we have to be really honest with. You calling names? You being mean? You being bitchy? Are you proud of yourself? Are you the partner that you want or not? This is a great question to ask with yourself. So start with yourself. So I’m going to leave you with this. If you leave a partner because they’re ruining your life, if you leave a job because they’re ruining your life, if you leave a friend, but specifically a partner, because that’s what we’re talking about in this video, you have not solved any problems. You are running from the problem. You have to change. You have to recalibrate.

Lani:
You have to learn to love yourself, and then it’s like somebody saying, “Do you want eat dog shit?” Of course I don’t. It’s not confusing. “No, I don’t.” That’s the same way I feel about relationships. I am not confused. I’m not confused at all. I know. I know exactly what I want my relationship to be like, feel like, because I love myself and my standards come from what I set. If you loved this video and you need more, come to my free online workshop. It’s free. It’s online so you can be anywhere. All the details are in the description. So head there and sign up now. Get in there, girl. I’m going to go deeper on this and really, really help you to change this broken belief system that your power lies in your partner or your happiness lies in your partner, and don’t forget to hit the subscribe button, the bell icon, and like this video, share it forward. If you know a woman who always complains about her partner ruining her life, share this video. What a great, easy concept. Thanks for listening and I’ll talk to you all soon.