Every time you compare yourself to another person a piece of your soul dies.

In this video I talk about how to overcome the deadly habit of comparing yourself to others, as well as tools you can use right now to break this gnarly cycle.

If everyone’s afraid to be authentic and let their inner light radiate… innovation and courage will go extinct.

Of course it’s not just about waking up one day enlightened and totally free from ego.It takes time to break dog shit habits.

However, everyone doing the same shit, everyone saying the same things, everyone conforming to a shallow version of humanity to fit is sooooo weird WTF!

It’s definitely a journey to uncover who you truly are in your soul’s essence.

The fear of being judged and rejected by others is what kept me a coward that morphed so I would be “liked” depending on who I was around.

I’m not saying I celebrate when I fail haha, but damn girl life is freaking deep.

It’s magical and beautiful and I always knew there was something missing from my surface level dog shit experience.

I was right!

Video Transcript

Lani:
Hello. In this video, I am talking about how to break the nasty cycle of comparing yourself to other women. We’re going to break through the comparisons so we can freaking appreciate the present moment and thrive and feel really good. Before we get started, hit the subscribe button, hit the bell icon, hit the like button that helps so freaking much, super grateful for you to do that. And let’s get right into it. So, we’re talking about compassion and how deadly it is, and literally every day, when you compare yourself to another woman on social media and it’s like, dude, we can use this as a tool, but everybody’s using it as a weapon now. But everyday you compare yourself to another woman, your soul dies a little bit. So, if you’re new to my channel, I’m Lani and I’ve helped thousands of women all over the world, just in this year alone, and we’re not even done yet, breakthrough this gnarly imaginary, freaking deadly mindset of, “Oh my God. Look at her. She’s so much better than me. I have to do what she’s doing.”

Lani:
And before we even get even more into it, I am wearing this dress because I packed this dress from London and it weighs like 30 freaking pounds. And I have not worn it once, we’re in Portugal. And I was like, “Oh, that’s okay. I’ll just wear it in Mexico.” Well, our Mexico trip went down the shitter. We’re not going to Mexico now. So, we’re going right back to the UK. So, I have a few weeks left in Portugal. I’m going to wear it as much as I can in the fucking house. So, I’m going to do as many videos as I can in this dress because we’ve only had one suitcase. So, I gave up like so many clothes to carry this freaking 30 proud dress that I haven’t worn yet. So, just like when I was a little girl and my mom let me wear my Easter dress in the house, I’m going to be wearing this bitch as much as I can. So, if you’re wondering why I’m wearing the sequence dress, it’s because it weighs 30 pounds.

Lani:
Okay. So, any who. I really I think that we are all born with this idea… Well, okay, so rather, I think that we are all like hypnotize into this idea that we just have to look like… It’s like the grass is always greener. We always have to look at what somebody else is doing. And yeah, sure, of course, it’s really amazing to learn from somebody and have mentors and teachers and take the best Epic parts of what they’re giving you and what they’re serving you, and then put it in through your own version.

Lani:
And just specifically in my niche, because I’m a coach, I see so many people and I did this when I first started, because I was like, what I have to say, couldn’t fucking possibly be enough. And I couldn’t literally just be able to step on the scene and start sharing, like my experiences. And so, I would like look at other people who were successful and without trying to be a copycat or a really boring person, because I love excitement, I love uniqueness and I love fun, but I couldn’t bring that to the table while I was so afraid to fail. While I was so afraid of people to send me a mean message or disapprove of me, or get a little thumbs down on a YouTube video or whatever, all the fucking bullshit that literally doesn’t even matter. It’s totally fake, anyway.

Lani:
At the end of the day… Okay, seriously, what? You’re going to feel happy about your Instagram likes. I know so many women who have ba-gillions of Instagram likes and they’re the most miserable, unfulfilled women. I had such, way, way, way more Instagram likes when I was showing my ass on Instagram, but I wasn’t going to bed feeling fulfilled and proud. And I was using these really imaginary, fake measures to measure if I was good enough. It’s so insane and so crazy.

Lani:
So, I am all for learning, you know that’s my vibe. I love learning. I have like four coaches right now. I mean, I love it. I have a gymnastics coach, a CrossFit coach, I’m not even including those. We were on our third YouTube coach. And so, now we have, we’ve just hired an agency to do media buying, I have my spiritual coach. Dude, it’s amazing to learn from people. But, what happens when… You know how it’s like, how, when the, I guess, the plastic surgery or the lip injections started happening since I grew up in orange County, it was like all the sudden one day, every single person had, every girl had those same lips, the duck lips. And they all started looking the same. I was like, “This is so weird. Oh my God, we’re not all meant to look like exactly the same. That’s such a trip.” And so, you know what that looks like, you just see, it just looks the same. It just, everybody starts looking the same. And it’s like, “Oh my God, that is not how we’re meant to do it.”

Lani:
So, if, think of your spirituality or your life’s purpose or your message or your voice in the same way. What’s awesome is stepping out, trying new shit, what do you love, bringing your voice to the game, bringing what’s exciting for you to the game and trying it. So, I was going through our first YouTube videos and our first course, it was about just a little over two and half years ago that we launched, and it was a yoga course and it was called Feminine Essence. And I mean, there was dancing in there, I put booty gains stuff in there, we meditated. So, I had meditating, a huge portion of it was meditation, and a huge portion was twerking and then obviously yoga and alignment.

Lani:
And that is so awesome. I am so proud of that. And yeah, obviously that was our first course and that was we were just starting, but how rad that I was like, “This is what I want to do. So, I’m going to do it.” And how amazing that we have the freedom. Dude, I would’ve never, without the ability to film our own course. And Chris knew what was up, he took some classes, so he totally knew how to help me organize it. And he put it together and there was no like, “You can’t do that because you’re a spiritual teacher.” It was from our little freaking house in Bali, we filmed it on the patio where I used to do all my Instagram videos. We got a microphone, we got a set up, shit was more jankier back then obviously, but who fucking cares?

Lani:
It didn’t really cost us any money to build our first course. And it was, I was just in this little room in Bali, not really, I haven’t had a TV since 2012… Well, okay when we go to Australia and other places we have TV, but I really haven’t watched the news, really since 2012. Don’t have a radio because I just lived on, I was just in Bali motorbiking. So, I really lost touch with like, “you should be doing this. And what everybody else looks like. And blah, blah, blah.” My playlist and yoga was just shit that I had from way, way, years ago. So, I didn’t… People would kind of introduce me to these new songs.

Lani:
I remember I went to California to go home and visit and the Bruno Mars song that the super, super famous one… Oh God, I’m going to have my team put a little snippet of that one in and I’m in the car and I’m like, “This song is amazing.” And everyone’s like, “You haven’t heard this song before? Are you fucking kidding me?” I was like, “Oh my God.” And it’s just like, I was just so not having the comparison. Yes, I would look at Instagram and shit, but having that constant brainwashing of what you should look like and what you should be and what you should say and how you should act. And whoa, I really, a big piece of that got taken out.

Lani:
I didn’t even have a mirror to look in. I lived in this little Bali house and my bathroom mirror was seriously tinfoil. I really couldn’t even see anything in it anyway. So, I was just got really plucked out of Orange County, which everybody was like, “What do you look like? How much are you worth?” Women would judge dudes based on what shoes they were wearing and what kind of car they drove. It’s like, what the fuck? As if that’s you the essence of a human being. I did the same shit. But getting plucked out of that, where I compared myself every day and “Her, she’s skinny, she must be better. Oh, look at her. Oh, where does she work? Oh, her boyfriend.” It was just total fucking nonsense. No presence, no connection to the present moment. Just stories running about, “What I should be doing, what I should be saying. What I should, [inaudible 00:08:07].” Just so focused on external stuff that doesn’t matter.

Lani:
So, getting plucked out of that, in the Bali where I was just like, “Dude, my biggest concern was not fucking dying on a motorbike.” I couldn’t be all fucking up in Orange County’s grill, worrying if everybody was approving of my outfit. I was like, “Just don’t fucking die.” I’d gotten on a motorbike accident on my fourth day. And I was, I walked everywhere and I was like, okay… It’s not like Eat, Pray, Love, the traffic is so fucking gnarly. I went to Bali thinking it was going to be like Eat, Pray, Love. She’s just riding her bike with nobody around. I was like, “I can ride a motorbike no one’s around.” Oh my God. It can’t be any more fucking different. It was not like Eat, Pray, Love, the traffic was so scary.

Lani:
So, I was just like, “Fuck, where do I eat? How am I going to communicate with people? Fuck. I need to heal up my leg from my motorbike accident.” So, my concerns and what I focused on, were, went from so external and like, “I hope they like me.” To like, “Okay, this is real life.” We’re going to learn how to surf, we’re going to be learning how to be one with mother ocean. We are going to learn how to transport ourself from one place to the other. It just simplified so much on the pressure and the stress that got released off of me of like… I couldn’t care if I, I didn’t have a chance to worry about, “Oh, do I have rolls and cellulite on a motorbike?” I was like, “Let’s just get there. Let’s just be safe and focus on the road and the fucking millions of motorbikes coming at you.”

Lani:
Do you see what I’m saying? It was like, God, shit became a little bit more real. And it’s like who cares if I’m a fucking roll or cottage cheese on the motor bike? I’m trying to get there in one piece. Do you know what I mean? So, the first thing that we’re going to do is we’ve all, it’s just this brainwashing, just cut down your social media time. And if you find that you’re using it for comparison and it’s become this addiction and this door for you to step through to make yourself feel really shitty, then it’s not a good idea. That’s like, if you, I remember telling my CrossFit coach, “My hand is really swollen and it hurts. What should I do?” He’s like, “Don’t fucking do shit that you need your hand for.” I’m like, “Right.”

Lani:
It’s like, if you’re going to, if you’re using this as a door and it’s a weapon and you feel horrible and all you’re doing is sitting in a room, it’s always so mind blowing when we get anxiety, and it’s like, “Dude, the only place I’m safe is in the present moment.” And the comparison, isn’t there a lot more really important things that you would love to use your energy for. Wouldn’t you love to be, when people talk about you behind your back, they’re like, “She’s amazing. She’s awesome. She’s so kind. She really listens. She’s present.” Instead of locking yourself in a room in the dark, and just keep going through the evil door to compare yourself to filtered photos of women who, just so we’re clear, having a lot of likes or a lot of views or a lot of subscribers or a lot of followers doesn’t equal, or having a good body, doesn’t equal being happy and feeling peace and feeling proud of yourself at the end of the night. It’s so backwards. Society is so backwards.

Lani:
So, what I want you to do is in the comments, I want you to let me know one thing that you’re going to do. So, one thing, rather, that you’re going to stop doing that you know, you’re like, “Oh shit. When I do this, I totally compare myself to other women. And then I feel really bad about it.” So, let’s just pull one, let’s just stop doing one thing. It’s like maybe if I, every time I get into bed at nighttime, instead of reading an Epic book or listening to something uplifting, I freaking scroll my brains out, so I’m going to stop doing that. Or I’m going to stop looking in the mirror and picking myself apart and saying, “I’m so fat.” Or I’m going to stop when people give me compliments saying, “Oh no, no, it’s not true.” Just pick one thing. It’s really simple, right? One thing that you know that when you do it, you’ve gone through that freaking door of just losing a piece of your soul dying because you’re comparing and you’re putting yourself down. Let’s just stop one thing.

Lani:
So, let me know in the comments, what you’re going to stop doing, something that you’re doing now. And this isn’t to feel worse about yourself. This is just so we can bring things to the light and find like a dance that works for us. Find things that work for you. Don’t take it too freaking seriously. This, if you end up feeling bad about a positive tool, then damn girl, let’s just take it back and be like, “Okay, this is meant to help me and uplift me and help me feel better.” So, one thing in the comments you’re going to stop doing that makes you feel yucky and bad and not enough.

Lani:
And then, let’s add something new in. So, one thing that you will start doing that makes you feel really fucking awesome. So, nature’s a really easy, super simple one to do. Just when I moved myself, just physio, just physically, just moved myself and plucked myself out of Orange County and put myself in the jungle in Bali, just that shift, I was like, “Wow. Okay. I can see what’s really important.” And just being in the presence of the jungle and the ocean, and there’s such beauty, that was a really positive shift for me, such a positive shift for me. Like I said, I was just, dude, when you’re surfing and learning how to surf, you don’t fucking care if you look fat, you’re just like, “Dude, let’s catch a wave.” Do you know what I mean?

Lani:
So, replace, we’re going to let go of something that doesn’t serve us. And we’re going to put in a nugget that we do love. That makes us feel great. That’s super simple. One more thing is just keep it as simple as you can. So, overthinking is just having the opposite effect. If you’re like, “Oh, there’s like 50 things that I do that make me feel bad.” Well just start with one girlfriend. Okay? Can’t eat a whale in one bite. Start with one. And then, for the next thing, just keep it simple. If you can’t think of anything then how about you can meditate every morning. That’s a great one. Or meditate every night. It’s so, so simple. So, the more you over-complicate, that’s again, just your ego trying to create drama, trying to act like it’s so hard, you can’t create a solution, when it’s actually so easy and so simple.

Lani:
We can actually be present and happy. It’s like one step. But yet we take 9 million to be unhappy and insecure and compare ourselves. It’s so much more simpler to just freaking not create drama. Ah, so if you would like a little help with this girl, you got to come to my free online workshop. All the information is in the description. I’m going to share with you my five top tools that got me from the [inaudible 00:14:38] to just being able to be myself and feel proud of that and feel happy of that, and you’ll be able to start now. So, I’m going to give you some tools that you can implement right now. So, sign up for that. Subscribe, hit the bell icon, hit the like button, share this video forward. I will see you soon.