I’m gonna get straight to the point. 

No woman has ever worked with me because I hide, play small, or act proper so everyone likes me.

Bitches come to me because I’m FREE and CONFIDENT to be myself. 

Watch this video to get the best advice of your life on how to have the courage to be you.

I could take the path of least resistance and not cuss or twerk. I actually did that for a while when all my spiritual teachers in Bali told me that being sexy was evil and cussing was low.

My social media was fake and booooring! I was copying what other women who got spiritual attention were doing.

I will never play small so other’s approve of me.

I’m a cussing, twerking, Mowgli and suppressing my souls freedom for fear of being rejected almost freaking killed me. 

I get rejected a lot.

I’m not happy because everyone loves me.

I’m happy because I know my birthright from Mother Earth is to receive unconditional love.

Video Transcript

Lani:

In this video, I’m going to tell you how to find the courage to be yourself. This is amazing. This is the biggest problem, the biggest complaint. The biggest fear I hear from women is the fear to be rejected because they’re not good enough.

Lani:
Before we get into it, I would love if you could hit the subscribe button. Hit the bell icon to be notified every Tuesday and Thursday when I give you epic videos and nuggets to change your life and have fun. And hit the like button, I already have goosebumps because it helps so much. The vision is to help a million women by 2020 and I need your help to do that. So share it forward.

Lani:
I’m talking today about finding the courage on how to actually be yourself. Because I have goosebumps, I’m all lit up today. Because obviously we’re in quarantine. Obviously we are in a pandemic. Obviously we are in unchartered territory, this has happened before. But we are in unchartered territory. And so every time I get a new client or get on the phone or when I’m doing my free workshops. The problem is not, “Oh, my God, this pandemic is ruining my life, this virus.” The problem is, “Oh, I’m not worthy. I’m self-harming. I’m self-sabotaging. Why don’t men love me? Why don’t women love me?” And it’s always back to self.

Lani:
So it’s so mind blowing that the problem has not changed. You will be triggered even more at this time. So these external circumstances are forcing people to actually look at themselves, which is fucking awesome. Because I have never had more women … it’s so rad. When I get a woman coming in … goosebumps again. She’s like … I was like, “Dude, good job.” You could have been like, “Oh, I can’t do it now. The pandemic.” And she’s like, “No way, man. Now is the time. I have the time. Time’s always been my excuse and now I realize I have the time. It’s not that I don’t have the money. I have the time now and now is the time for me to work on myself. Because all of my own problems have been highlighted and totally exposed.” It’s really easy for us to brush things under the rug when we can be out boozing and getting attention from people. When we can be distracting, when we can over-busy.

Lani:
But as soon as you have to take a pause, as soon as the external forces you to take a pause, it becomes very clear. “Oh my God, I don’t have any self-love.” So obviously the women that are coming in now, I say that we are blessed. And that means we have a roof over our head, food in our bellies, and we’re not fighting for lives of sickness. We’re not in direct danger. And so when we are blessed, we get to use this as an opportunity for spiritual growth. It’s amazing.

Lani:
So quick question. Are you using this pandemic to fuel your ego and to feel even more sorry for yourself? And eat even more dog shit and go down the rabbit hole? Or are you blessed and using this virus as an opportunity for spiritual growth? Let me know which one in the comments. So for me, I’ll just share my personal stories because this is what I have dealt with. I have always been a loud cusser. I have always been dancing, twerking … forever.

Lani:
So when I started my spiritual journey in Bali, I had all of my spiritual teachers was like, “Don’t cuss. It’s low vibrating.” And people would like comment about it. And I didn’t cuss in my yoga classes because I was like, “Oh God, like that’s not spiritual. They told me it wasn’t.” I made my first website and my life coach, my spiritual life coach was like, “Oh you can’t have photos of you and your bikini dancing. That’s like so offensive to women who don’t love their body.” So I had all this guilt and shame for being me, doing the things that I love.

Lani:
And so I stopped. I was like, “Okay, I want to be a good girl. I want to be accepted. So it was actually just fueling my ego. Because that’s the path of least resistance and that’s actually the coward’s way out. So I took the coward’s way out while I was teaching yoga, while I was meditating. I did what other people who didn’t have what I wanted. None of my spiritual teachers at that time or none of my coaches had what I wanted. They were scarce, they had money problems, they had problems in their relationships. They would go up and down, these energy highs and lows, draining. “Oh my God, I’m so sick.” And so they didn’t have what I wanted. They didn’t have this fucking beast mode fire like, “Yeah, I can squat.” And they weren’t sexy. They were ashamed of it. So they didn’t have what I wanted.

Lani:
But because I wanted to be accepted and approved of, I followed what they said. And what that led to was nothing awesome. It wasn’t fun. It’s so exhausting trying to put out this perfect post so everybody approves of it. And nobody even likes it because no one’s inspired by some fake ass shit. And you’re like … you know how many posts you skim by and you’re like, “Boring.” That it’s not inspiring to copy what everyone else is saying. And put it on Facebook just so you can take the path of least resistance since so no one sends you any mean messages. So I tried that and it didn’t work for me at all.

Lani:
And I want to teach women how to be themselves and have self love. And the first step to that is self acceptance. And I’m going to just get really clear on this because this is such a mindblower. That actually the majority of women don’t know when they’re being negative. And so it’s like, “Yeah, we get to speak our truth.” But our truth is never … like the real you is not the lazy, bitchy and secure one that has to send messages to people. That are like, “You didn’t act the way I want you to act. How dare you?” Or, “Oh, how dare you dance sexy? You’re so shameful.” Or, “Oh, you’re cussing.” Like the real you is not a dick. Just so we’re clear.

Lani:
So if you think you’re speaking your truth, but you’re actually pointing fingers and saying, “You’re the reason I feel bad. You’re the one making me feel bad. You, you, you.” That’s not speaking your truth. Speaking our truth is like, “I, I, I, me.”

Lani:
One of the things we’ve been fed is women is we need to over talk everything. “Oh, come talk to me.” I used to say … poor Chris. I used to be like, “We need to talk.” And then like three hours later I’m bringing up every horrible thing that’s ever happened. And he’s just like, “No wonder guys don’t want to fucking talk.” Like it’s not talking. It’s like totally like bombarding and bringing up shit that doesn’t matter. When I could very well … if I get triggered now today I don’t run to Chris and be like, “We need to [inaudible 00:06:33].” I’m like, “Okay, I’m a big girl, I’m a grown up. I’m going to go take myself in the room, put my big girl pants on. Feel this out because my feelings are my problems.”

Lani:
So just bringing it back, because this is my personal experience. I obviously cuss. I obviously dance sexy. This is what I hear all the time. I’m like, “Just tell the truth. I’m not going to be upset. Do you think it’s easier for me to be authentic?” And women are like, “Yeah.” And even when they witness … like somebody for instance, on my free workshops. I just did one last week and we didn’t get any mean messages. And Chris is like, “Oh man, that’s a shame. Because the women loved seeing how you don’t take it personal and how like you don’t care if somebody puts you down.” Because my self worth doesn’t come from another woman who doesn’t love herself. My self worth comes from me. My first job and the only connection I worry about is me and mother earth. And I’m good.

Lani:
I’m not bothered when there’s a woman who doesn’t have a connection with their higher power. Who told herself she’s speaking her truth, but she’s actually being a victim. And the most negative one in the room. And maybe she’s not cussing, but she’s a really big asshole and she’s not kind. And she’s super selfish. She’s not serving, she’s not sharing her energy. She’s not donating money if she has extra. She’s really big and selfish. So I would never ever take the recipe from a woman who doesn’t have what I want. I’m like, “If you don’t have what I want, then you don’t know how to get there. So I don’t need to take the feedback.” I take my feedback from the most badass embodied experts ever who have what I want, who’ve already done what I want. But I’m not going to go to an insecure woman and say, “You hate yourself and you’re so miserable and you’re so bitchy. But you don’t cuss. I’m going to act like you, tell me what you do.” I’d rather die. Not going to fucking happen.

Lani:
So when women think that it’s easier for me. When we do our free workshops there … I think we’re over it now. I think we’re over the hump of it. Like I did notice there was this rise because obviously quarantines not going to just turn you into an asshole. If you were an asshole and insecure before then the external circumstances have triggered you. So now your assholeness has gone even stronger. Because we are either growing or we’re dying. So if you are already dying and the external pandemic has triggered you, then you’ve dropped even lower. And you’re just more mean. Now I was already growing, so I was embodied, I was connected to mother earth. I know what love feels and I know that I’m responsible. So I’m growing. So my love, my connection, my confidence. The impact I’m making, the money I’m donating and my love for myself has grown. So I’m growing and if other people are dying, it’s a choice. There’s not one better. But I know that for me, it’s just a non negotiable. My standards are so high, I’m growing.

Lani:
So for instance, every single time I’m like, “Why did you come to me? Why do you want to work with me?” “Oh my God, I just love how free you are. Like I literally just see freedom. Like how come you don’t fucking care what anybody thinks? Like you just dance and you just cuss. And like you’re super authentic and you’re just free. Why don’t you care what anybody thinks? Like you’re so, so, so free.” And I’m like, “And what energy do you feel for me?” They’re like, “Happy, joyful. You’re like curious and super playful and fun.” And I’m like, “Yeah, how does that feel?” And they’re like, “So good.” So I’m like, “Okay, what’s your biggest problem?” “Oh, I can’t be myself because what if they reject me?” And I’m like, “I get rejected every day. I’m not happy because everybody loves me. I am happy because I have fulfilled my one job, which was my connection between me and mother earth.”

Lani:
So it is a coward’s way out. It is not serving anyone or anything to follow the rules of people who don’t love themselves. If you’re going to take feedback from people, make sure they have what you want. If you’re going to follow someone’s recipe, make sure that they have what you want. And the reason why I don’t have to be offended when I get a mean message. Or when somebody puts me down for cussing or not dancing because I could take the path of least resistance and I could not cuss. So then the spiritual women who are actually really negative. Because speaking your truth is not sending a mean message to someone. That’s embarrassing. That’s really fucking selfish. Like now because you feel shitty, you’re trying to make as many people as you can feel shitty too? That’s not spiritual. It’s really selfish.

Lani:
I could take the path of least resistance and not cuss. And then those people that are miserable would approve of me for not cussing. But then they pick on me for something else because I’m not their problem, they are. And they’re looking externally for somebody to ease their pain inside and to give them that warm fuzzy feeling. They’re not going to their higher power. And I could not dance sexy. So I don’t offend women who don’t love their bodies and who self harm with food. But I’m not a coward. I am a fucking leader and my job is not to be liked by everybody. And I don’t have a certificate from the universe saying, “Lani, I know it’s the scariest thing in the world to be yourself. I know that the ego’s one card it can play is you’re not good enough. I’m going to assure you with this golden certificate that no one’s ever going to be mean to you or reject you.” I don’t have that. I don’t have that.

Lani:
I wake up the same as you. I have the same choices as you. I have the same amount of hours in the day as you. And I choose to be a leader, to do me. And that means take responsibility for my feelings, be my authentic self that lights me up. Because I love having fun. I love laughing and I am free. And that’s the only way that I’ve ever inspired another woman to do it. I have not helped another woman while I’ve been a coward, hiding, being negative, putting other women down or acting like someone else is going to fulfill me. It’s not going to happen and it never will.

Lani:
So have the fucking courage to be you. Because this earth doesn’t need another woman who is afraid of being yourself. Who walks around all day focusing on what if they don’t like me and what if they don’t like me? Do you, sis. Connect to your higher power, connect to love. Because a woman who is connected to love and loves herself would never put another woman down. I know that. I don’t have to write mean messages to women. I don’t put other women down. I don’t go on Instagram and say, “Oh, how dare you?” I don’t need to do that because I have love within.

Lani:
And I understand that when a woman is offloading that the way she feels about herself is a million times worse. And so her story playing is like, “I’m worthless, I’m disgusting. I can’t fucking be myself. Nobody loves me. I’m not enough.” Because that’s what she’s sharing. Because if she felt like me and was like, “I’m awesome, I’m supported, I’m loved. My birthright is to receive unconditional love because I was born.” Then she would send that energy out.

Lani:
If you want to go deeper on that, you’ve got to come to my free workshop. It’s awesome. I’m doing live healing meditations, which I’ve never done before. Because it’s needed now, and I have the extra energy and the love and abundance. And it’s my purpose baby. So all the details for that are in the description. Get signed up to that one ASAP. Don’t forget to subscribe, hit the bell icon and the like button. And if you loved this video, check out my other videos. I’m here to share nuggets. I’m here to teach you that it’s your birthright to have it all. And I’m here to spread positivity, baby. Have a good day. Bye.