3 Steps To Be A Confident Woman / Learn my top 3 tips on how to be a confident woman.

In this video I share with you, how you can become a confident woman.

By following these steps, as a woman, your confidence will increase so much sister.

Video Transcription

Lani:

Hello. In this video I’m talking about three steps that you need to be confident. Before we get started, don’t forget to subscribe, hit that middle icon and hit the like button, because you know this video is going to be a bomb, and it helps so much. Our vision is to help a million women by 2020 and I need your support. So this video is about the three steps that you need to do to connect to your confidence. Now, the reason this is so important is because without confidence, everything else is negatively affected. So there are no business problems, there are only personal problems, which is lack of confidence and lack of self-love that spill into the business. There’s no relationship problems. Your partner is not here to fulfill you and fix you. You don’t have any confidence, you don’t have any self-worth.

Lani:
Oh, got a little bit of sirens going on, real life. Lani [inaudible 00:00:51] YouTube. We’ll let that one go. Still there. Still going, it’s getting louder.

Lani:
And we’re back. So there are no relationship problems, our partner’s job is not to fulfill us and save us. I did that for a long time, never worked. It’s us. Once we’re confident, shit goes next level. People always wonder why I can just be myself. It’s not that I don’t have any problems and everybody loves me and I’m perfect. It’s that I’ve done these three steps that are so simple, so mind blowing. Going to totally change your life and empower you and I’m so pumped to share.

Lani:
So the first thing that you need to do to be confident, the first step is, start connecting back to fun. And the way that we do this is doing the shit that we used to do when we were little. It’s like one of the simplest things is singing and dancing. I used to do, I still do free workshops, I’ll talk about that at the end. But one of the steps I used to share was about the morning routine and I was like, “Dude, sing and dance.” Every little kid sings, you walk by and they’re all singing like Frozen or whatever the cool little kid stuff is nowadays. And they dance, because they’re not embarrassed, because it feels really good. And it’s the simplest way to get into our body and have fun.

Lani:
When we’re little, we have this essence that’s free. It’s like, “I’m going to go fucking play in a box, because that’s awesome.” And we’re not afraid of people telling us they’re idiots or losers or like making fun of us. When we’re little we’re really just, we’re super present, we’re super embodied. And we’re so confident because when you’re present and in the moment, I know that when I’m connected to Mother Earth and when I’m having fun, I don’t care if people think I’m crazy pants. I am so loud. I’ll start dancing in public in the middle of nowhere. I will sing. I laugh super loud. All the time people, when we could go outside, when they look, I’d laugh and people look at me. I’m like, “I love being so connected and so present, and I’m so confident because I’ve connected back to my childlike essence.”

Lani:
So when I asked my clients, “Why did you come work with me? What is the energy that you felt really attracted to?” Every single one of them are like, “It’s just, you’re so fun. You’re so playful, you’re so confident and we can really tell that you’re seriously having such a good time, and you’re so confident that you don’t care what other people think.” So I’m not confident when I am trying to be … If I try to be super square and not cuss and like, “Oh my God, I can’t wear this because my boobs are showing.” Oops, I just touched the mic.

Lani:
Like, “Oh dude, don’t talk like a Valley girl, like a Californian. You should talk spiritual. You should not cuss,” because when I separate from my true essence, which is the childlike, fun, excited, awesome, loud, wild, monkey business. When I separate from that, it would be super awkward. I tried to do that so people would like me and it didn’t work. I’m not confident. There’s no way that when you separate from your true essence that you’re confident. You cannot be faking it and putting a mask on and be confident. You don’t get to do it both ways.

Lani:
Either you totally dress connect back and it’s so simple. It’s like, “Dude, this isn’t, I’m not asking you to go on a 900 hour search and go through the Himalayas and be blessed by a freaking Tibetan priest.” I’m like, “What’s the shit you did when you were little? Did you draw, did you sing, did you dance? Did you play outside? Did you love swimming? Start doing that.” It’s so simple and it is a game changer.

Lani:
When I was not dancing and singing, I was miserable. I was like a mermaid whose tail dried up and I was a disaster. I was so insecure, I was so miserable and I was a shell of a woman. And then as soon as I started feeding my soul with stuff that I love to do since I was little, bam, the light came back in my eyes, the vibrancy, the life force, and I’m just a magnet to anybody else who wants to do this too.

Lani:
So step two is surround yourself with people who will encourage your confidence and your growth. There is nothing more offensive and dangerous and deadly to, so I only work with women, so I’ll just use women as an example. There’s nothing deadlier to a woman who is insecure and does not want to find her confidence than seeing one of her friends change, so she actually loves herself and starts gaining confidence.

Lani:
And insecure woman, the biggest threat, it’s literally like life or death. Literally it will be like you have just killed their baby and murdered their puppy. They will be so offended. They will take all of your growth personal. And then what happens is you’re like, “Oh my gosh, I’m getting confident. I’m doing these things that Lani said, fuck ye, I’m changing.” And then you have your friends that you’re surrounded with every day that make you feel guilty for being awesome and confident. That’s not going to work. You cannot have a partner who makes you feel guilty and puts you down for being the best version of yourself.

Lani:
You cannot have it, but you can’t have both. You can’t be on both sides of the fence. You can’t say, “I’m going to hang around people who fucking guilt me and hate that I’m growing and don’t want me to be confident and hate themselves and have no interest in growing and I’m going to be the best version of myself and grow.” It’s impossible. We have to surround ourselves with people who are totally down with our growing, who are super supportive and interested because they’re growing too. So really, really, this one is huge. This is where I see most women, they just throw in the towel. Women have this, women without confidence have this desperation for a partner.

Lani:
So as soon as it’s like, “Oh my God, me loving myself,” which is only positive. There’s no pain or negativity that comes from you loving yourself. “Oh my God, me loving myself and being a kind amazing person is hurting my partner.” You’re not going to fucking do it. So, you get to choose at this point. It’s not like, “Oh I feel so sorry for you because you’ve chosen to hang out with people who don’t support your growth.” You’re a fucking grownup. Nobody’s got a gun to your head and you have a choice in this one. So surround yourself with people who are stoked on it, who are hungry like you, who are growing, who are putting their best foot forward and doing everything that they need to do to be the best version of themselves.

Lani:
And the third one is do not seek external approval for your new found confidence. I always, I get it dude. I work on social media. Everything that I do is on socials and I’m on the internet. But I am not going to die or get snipered or go hide in a hole if I get a negative comment. So I never suggest doing a post about your new found confidence if you need approval. If you don’t feel strong enough to get a negative comment, because what did I … What was, hello, step number two, the most threatening energy to an insecure woman as a confident woman. If you, and you would have negative women in your network, I had to do a whole bunch of unfriending and following blocking. It’s just the way that it is, because we’re at this low frequency when we start.

Lani:
If you’re going to just be snipered and be so devastated. If you’re like, do this amazing post about like, “Guess what, everybody has a chance to be happy, you deserve to be happy.” And somebody hits you with like, “Oh you’re so selfish. It’s obviously harder for me because I’ve been through trauma.” And if that’s just going to really kill you, I would not ever recommend seeking approval from the external for your confidence and definitely do not post about it if a negative comment’s going to kick your ass in sniper you. It’s like if you hadn’t trained for a marathon, you would be like, “Oh, I’m not going to run a marathon tomorrow, because I haven’t trained and I could get hurt.”

Lani:
It’s literally the same thing with social media. I’ve talked about this before, done a lot of great videos on quarantine and how to thrive in it. But it, right now there’s, if people were trolls before, their assholeness is timed by 10, or 20, or 30, or some people a 100. So it’s not you, you’re showing positivity and that’s cool. But until you get strong enough to run the marathon, like Eckhart, I always love what he said. I studied with him live and he was like, “Everybody’s, the first thing they want to do is like, oh my God, I’ve had this spiritual awakening. I’m going to write a book.” And it’s like, “Dude, no, you don’t need this approval.” Feel it inside. Show your connection with Mother Earth. Share it with people who are on your same journey you know who’re going to lift you up. But we’re never going to get a hundred percent success rate from the external.

Lani:
I post, I get negative comments and I’m okay, because I know my self-worth doesn’t come from them. And I’ve trained, I’m strong enough. I can run a marathon tomorrow spiritually, so I’m good. So let’s not put our self-worth in the hopes of Facebook or Instagram. It’s not going to happen. There’s a lot of trolls out right now. People, a lot of people have lost things. They’re afraid and when people are afraid the first thing they’re going to do is look for somebody to blame. So let’s not be a target. Let’s find groups of people and women who are on your same vibe and totally pumped for you and celebrating for you.

Lani:
If you need more, I am doing a live workshop and it’s amazing. It is live with me, so I get to observe you. It’s free. It’s online so you can come from anywhere. And what I mean by observe is, I hear this every time. So we get to chat and have feedback and women are like, “Oh my God, I didn’t even know I was doing that. This is awesome.” So it’s so helpful. Because if you’re learning a handstand and you don’t know that you’re arching, and the teacher’s like, “Dude, you’re arching.” You’re like, “Oh my God, that just helped me so much, I didn’t even know.” So the same shit. It’s super awesome.

Lani:
I’m doing a live meditation, which I normally only ever share my live meditation with clients. But as the time has called for me to share my love, this is how I get to do it. So that’s amazing. The link is in the comments. So click that now and get into it. It’s going to be awesome. And if you like this video, please hit the like button. Subscribe and hit the bell icon. I have some amazing videos on how to thrive in quarantine. That’ll be so great for you. So check those out there. And thanks so much for watching. Have a great day. See you next week.